Hey self, can’t sleep? Don’t worry, it’ll come to you. The yawning will take over and you’ll just have to blow the candle out and get tucked in under the covers.

In the meantime, let’s talk about writing. As a skill, as a vocation… but most importantly, as a need. Personally I can’t see myself giving it up, so let’s not even pretend that’s possible. I was taking a look at the books out there that give writing advice. Safe to say the category is a [bleep]ing intimidating one. It raises so many doubts in my mind that it’s hard to tamp them all back down again. I want to be better with my writing… in particular with my writing habits, but all this How To I’ve been seeing is starting to feel more like Must Do.

I have a hard time with that. I also am well aware that my focus and motivation exist in limited quantities and that studying how other people say to get things done is going to take those mental resources away from where I truly need them.

You’ve called yourself a permanent amateur before… and I think that for the time being that’s the best thing to remain. Keep your own engine running for as long as you can. Do it your way and focus on the writing you want to do. Say the things you’ve been wanting to say in whatever way feels right.

By the way, have you taken a break lately? I mean a real, pure, brain-off vacation. I think we should. I think we should relax, just me and you. What can we do? It’s not important. What’s important is that we don’t do certain things.

Don’t worry, don’t blame, don’t condemn, don’t take the world on your shoulders. Do something instead that’s completely for you. Something that relaxes you and makes you happy, or lets your mind go blank.

I want you to be able to come out of that experience with a sense of wellbeing. Not dreading the return, not bracing for anxiety… but hopeful and calm, because you know that you can let it all go if you need to. You can breathe and move at your own pace and your own strength. I want you to take a break that leaves you feeling recharged.

I think you can sleep now… so maybe that’s the best idea to have for now. Sleep, reboot yourself and see what you can do tomorrow.